there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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