i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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