I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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