that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
