his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
im holly from the hills drunk
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
