There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
