My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
