i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
