I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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