Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
