My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
