Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize