I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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