I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
