Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
