Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
