no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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