hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
