Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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