Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
