dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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