i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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