dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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