She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
