I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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