Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
