i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
