dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
