Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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