Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
