My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
