Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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