I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
