i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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