my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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