listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
