he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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