i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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