Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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