It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
