ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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