I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Small penises have feelings too.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
