and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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