is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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