Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
