Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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