She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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