when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
