between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
