So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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