Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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