did you get engaged???
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
