C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
