we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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