Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
