I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
