I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
