like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
