I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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