There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
