does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
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the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I am available for nakedness
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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