Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He kissed a someone with a penis
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
40s are totally the cure
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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