I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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