Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
