I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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