My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
