She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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