I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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