dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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