I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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