I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize