Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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