I want to have your abortion
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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