you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
