we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
