GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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