I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
