I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
