I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
