i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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