My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
