and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
