I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
