are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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