Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
