i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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