I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so explain again why im purple
no
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
