Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
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This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
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Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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